Yearning

Yearning:  to have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something. 

Yearning describes how I feel about becoming a parent.  I often feel a deep loss for something I've never had and feel like something is missing. I wish and hope and pray for the day that Serge and I will get to hold our little baby in our arms and for the day that I first hear the word "mommy".  

After having some much-needed girl time with an amazing friend this afternoon, I thought about our conversation on my drive home.  A startling thought hit me.  I yearn and yearn to be a mom, but how much do I yearn for God's word?  How often do I feel a longing in my soul for the precious words that God has spoken to us through the prophets, apostles and even his own son?  The sad answer is: not enough.

I realized that I selfishly think that this period of waiting is so difficult.  At times my hurt and my tears cloud more than just my vision, they cloud my judgment and they can even keep me from seeing the truth.  I am embarrassed to say that I don't always have faith in God's plan for my life...at my worst times, I (although I am ashamed to write this) feel like I've waited long enough for my child. 

But today I thought, how long has God waited to call each one of us His child?  How desperately  has he desired for us to come to Him first to be adopted as sons and daughters? And then for us to come to him with our burdens? our praises?  our fears?  our love?  How desperately does he want to hear us call him "Father"?

God loves his creation so much and has been patient for thousands of years.  I can only humbly praise Him for not feeling like He's "waited long enough" for us; for me.  1 Peter 3:9 tells us that "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." 

In light of this revelation and conviction today, my prayer is to have an intense desire to study God's word each day and to "...walk worthy of the calling with which I was called".  (Ephesians 4: 1).  

I want to long to be His daughter more than I long to be a mother.